Oh, you've been gone for a while...

Lately, I've been trying to be more social and going out to gatherings, meetups, parties (because that's what people my age do, right?), and the result has been, unsurprisingly, that I come in contact with real, live human beings. People tend to exchange stories, converse, and generally "interact" at these sorts of things, and I found one of these interactions to something that was said rather striking

Me: Yeah, I moved to Heidelberg, then Berlin, and then I was in a couple of other places but now I'm back.

Them: How long ago was that?

Me: That was 2011

Them: Oh, you've been gone for a while...

Hm. I suppose that's true. It's been about 3.5 years, and if someone had told me that I'd be  doing what I'm doing now, I probably wouldn't have believed them. 

crumbly sandcastle

A few things have happened that have really called into question exactly what I'm doing and where and why and how I'm doing it.

I recently got a letter from the tax office here that said I have to A) fill out a tax form for 2012 and 2013 and B) I'm not allowed to do any sort of freelance work.

I'm fine with point A, even though I had to pay 100 Euros to get a record of all of my invoices from my bank but that's fine, that's something I can do.

Point B is something that also makes no sense because I was always allowed to work in Heidelberg as a freelancer but apparently they take issue with that in Berlin, even though according to the law (§6 Absatz 3) I am technically allowed to freelance.

I went to talk to an advisor offered by the University here and they brought it to my attention that apparently the Ausländerbehörde and the tax office communicate with one another, so this could result in a problem for my visa extension. Which would be really upsetting because, even though I have a residence permit until April, I was planning to write my thesis, work as an assistant to the coordinator until August, and possibly apply for a doctorate thereafter.

I have an appointment at the Ausländerbehörde on the 24th, which was already making me nervous because they want all this financial information that will very easily show that I haven't been getting support from my parents, even though I provided a letter saying that I would. And now this issue comes up and it kind of makes me wonder: why should I fight to stay in a country that doesn't really want me here?

I've always had it in the back of my mind: if it's not going to be possible (read: relatively easy) then I can just rationalize it into being unimportant. Sour grapes, I guess.

It seems that every few weeks there's another thing. I got back to Germany and it was temporary job, temporary visa, temporary living situation, and now it's....slightly longer (yet still temporary) versions of all of those things. It's worked out up until now, but how much longer will it last?

Birthday pastries, pants, and taxes

I turned a quarter of a century old this last tuesday. The day itself was alright, I had to do some tuesday things, including an interview in the middle of nowhere, but I managed to get dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, so that was good.

My real birthday party was on Saturday, and I commemorated the event by purchasing a kilo of delectable pastries from the Arabic bakery down the street from my house

I (kinda) managed to not eat all of them in one sitting...small victories!

I also went shopping for new pants because this happened:

I've been workin with two pairs of old, faithful trousers for the past couple of years. As I bent over to get something out from under my bed, the nether region of these H&Ms decided to give up the ghost. So, I decided to go shopping. It was about time...

I also (quite unhappily) received a very strongly worded letter from the Finanzamt in Berlin, saying that I have to provide them with tax information from 2012 to 2013, and that I'm not allowed to freelance, and that I've been told multiple times. 

letter of death

While the first point is necessary (I guess) The second and third are completely not true. Since receiving the letter last week, I've paused and reflected on this predicament. Granted, I freaked out a little bit at the beginning but, I'm not the scared and unsure Anfänger that I once was. This isn't my first time dealing with German bureaucracy, and I'm certain I can figure out a way to deal with this. It's still kind of irritating that every time I have an issue (housing, work, university, thesis, whatever) the thing gets resolved for a few weeks only to be trumped by yet another problem. Oh well, like I said, this isn't my first time at the goat rodeo, and it probably won't be my last. 

So much to do!

Stability? What's that?

Nah, I have things to do, people to interview, emails to answer, meetings to schedule, languages to learn, colloquiums to attend, tandems to go to, and places to be.

The semester started off with a bang. Or maybe actually a semi-loud, sort of confused bump. Some kind of noise, anyways. We had our first meeting and it became abundantly clear that we all have a lot of work to do and literally nobody (including the faculty) is 100% sure of how it actually will get done. So, in tried and true GSP fashion, I'm just going to continue moving forward and eventually everything will work out for the best maybe.

The research position at the Kinderstiftung has been going really well. I've gotten some really good feedback from my advisor, and everyone there seems to really believe in the work that's being done. The interview phase starts in November, after a meeting with the board of directors on the 30th. The only hitch is that I've sent out over 100 emails and only 13 have responded. I'm hoping that with each day, I'll continue to stay on the same rate of scheduling about 3 or so interviews, so that after a month of planning, I only have to execute them. We'll really just have to see how it goes.

I was also hired at Humboldt University as an assistant for the new coordinator of the GSP. That's going to be a rather pleasant time, I think. Mostly just sending emails and supporting the faculty in whatever they need. It's a sizable undertaking especially considering our last coordinator had managed to get everything up and running after only being at the University for a year. I'm just really glad to be able to work in a field that I want to go into, get paid a little extra, and have the institution of Humboldt Universität backing me for when I have to go back to the dreaded Visa office to renew everything. The only thing I'm really worried about is some bureaucratic technicalities that may or may not prevent an extension...but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

First things first: Thesis!

Gratitude

After realizing that I am indeed able to pay rent this (and next!) month, I came to the conclusion that I am in a really good place. I have at least one awesome job and am possibly going to get another. I went to the doctor this morning and everything was normal. The weather is nice. Things are generally pleasant.

I'm also really grateful for the support that I've gotten out of the blue from my family and a family friend. They made it possible for me to replace my somewhat broken computer which I was, of course, low-key worried about, as one generally needs a computer to do things like write a Master's thesis. So thanks for that!

Here it is, the beautiful tablet/notebook. I'm on the cusp of wondering if it was really necessary to get something this expensive but, it's going to be so practical. I've been a bit obsessed with all the features. It comes with Microsoft office, which is great because I've been really irritated with LibreOffice's compatibility issues. I'm using this app called Docear that appeals to my neuroses about having things in order. PDFs! Notation! Organizing! So good. Also, Microsoft OneNote will be invaluable when I actually do the interviews because you can record and take notes at the same time, then connect the point in the recording with what you've written. Oh, technology. It really brings out the consumer in me. Oh well, like I said: I'm really content right now. 

Job...s?

This gig at the Kreuzberger Kinderstiftung is going so well. I'm almost afraid to be writing about it, in case something unforeseen comes along and swoops me away from all this happiness. I'm a bit ahead of schedule, in terms of going through files, organizing the current data, reading articles, researching, and planning. I've gotten my research proposal approved by one of my advisors, and am waiting to work on it a bit more to get it approved by my other advisor. The next step is all about developing the interview questions and written survey. It's actually pretty exciting!

This is where I've been working for the past few weeks. The building is a beautifully renovated house along the river where the districts Treptow, Neukölln, and Kreuzberg meet.

I even have a key!

And with all this going so well, there wasn't much that could heighten my feeling of accomplishment...except for the fact that I got another part-time position that I'd been really wanting. The head of the Global Studies Program managed to arrange an assistant for our new coordinator. The position will last ten months, which means I have to stay in Berlin longer (boohoo). It also offers me a lot of advantages, including a supplementary paycheck as well as the institutional capital that should protect me from being deported. Not only was I pretty sure that I fit the profile of the candidate they were looking for (GSPian, administrative experience, native English, fluent German) I'm also 100% sure that this is something that I want to do. It's exactly the field that I'm hoping to get into when I'm done with school and it's something that I'm certain I'll be good at. Facilitating study abroad and helping others is definitely something I want to do with my life.

The only issue now is waiting for the bureaucratic things to go through...there is the slight chance that my Kinderstiftung job will make it more difficult to get (or possibly prevent me from accepting) the job  at the university but, I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope everything works out. In this, like most cases of good fortune throughout my life, I am tentatively optimistic. I won't actually believe something good has happened until I've signed a contract, and have been working for about a month. Still, it's nice to have some positive, hopeful vibes. 

jawb job jobby jobberton job

I have sent out around 80 emails looking for something to do so that people that want me to do that thing will give me money for it. Mostly translation, English-speaking jobs, working at cafés, and the like. It is exhausting. One thing I'm not the biggest fan of: Trial days. Germany had this wonderful idea that people should do unpaid Probetage to find out if my employment could possibly benefit the company. Meaning I've wasted more than ten hours pretending to be somewhere of my own free will, just for someone to decide "it's just not the right fit". My favorites included the time I went to an English-speaking interview to work for Netflix, with an English aptitude test during the first round only to find that it would be customer support in German. And that my German was "excellent but not good enough"....Okay. Or the time when I went to one of the fancy parts of the city (45 minutes there and back) only to be told in a five minute interview that the job might be too difficult. "It's a shame but sorry, I don't think this will work out."
Luckily, thanks to the glorious powers of Vitamin B (B for relationship...in German) I was offered a position to work for the Kinderstiftung whose original job offer I turned down for various reasons. This gig is actually going to be legit. Essentially, I'll write my thesis on their organization, they'll pay me, and I get an office and resources to do a kick-ass project. I'm so happy that finally be able to get paid for doing something I actually want to do!

Ich will nicht ein Stück vom Kuchen. Ich will die ganze Bäckerei

Hustlin, Hustlin, Hustlin. I'd almost be defeated if I wasn't so good at it. Makin' that money, talkin to people, getting stuff to happen. Like job interviews! And little gigs, Like taking a market survey (16 euros) or doing the coat check at my friend's club party (36 euros).

This whole internship experience has been not so much eye-opening as disappointingly unsurprising. 

I'm finally done. I don’t really know what I was expecting...the whole experience really confirmed that I am not the kind of person that does the whole 9 to 5 thing well. I ended up getting something out of it but, after they wanted to hire (read: continue exploiting) me for less than minimum wage, I decided not to continue.

It's just sad that this is the capitalist mentality. I translate. Not something that everyone can do, and yet the offer they made was 7.5 Euros per hour, which is less than some of my friends make working at cafés. Aside from that, being only able to work 20 hours per week would mean that I couldn't live from that. I mean literally afford groceries, rent, health insurance, phone, etc. 

 So now, I’m on the search for another job. No room to make a mistake, I need to do this NOW. It’s that paycheck to paycheck life. Good thing I’m used to it.

Weekend side hustle

Man. This weekend was pretty intense.

I decided to go out (I know, right?) and ended up waiting in line, getting hit on by a French chick that said she liked "brown sugars", found twenty Euro while waiting, danced until 5 in the morning and then went home and slept for like 6 hours. It was wild.

Also, this Saturday I worked the coat check for a friend's party randomly. It was exactly as hard as you imagine it would be: not very. Except for when people get all uppity because they don't want to pay a Euro fifty to have someone watch their stuff. Or when people want to get something out of their bag but then have me put it back. Or when people have like 10 layers, their girlfriend's purse, a fanny pack, and two-and-a-half scarves and only want to pay for one thing. But, other than that it's mostly just sitting around and whatnot.

Now, my weekend is coming to a close. I should probably do something but, that would require energy that I spent being a young person doing young people things. 

This just in!

First video post from Berlin! I made it back and have thus far successfully managed to feed myself and not sleep on the street. 

I'm back!

A lot has happened since my last post. I flew back from New Delhi at the end of May, through Qatar, back to Heidelberg. Qatar was interesting, even if it was just for two hours. The loud speaker announcements were in Arabic and it was gratifying/depressing to catch a couple of words that I understood every now and then. I definitely want to return to an Arabic-speaking country at some point. 

Then I was in Heidelberg! It was so great to see all of the friends that I made while I was living there. I stayed with an awesome friend of mine who was gracious enough to let me crash on his floor for an entire week. It was a nice relaxing transition back into Germany






Since then, I've come back to Berlin and have been trying to get settled and stable....well...as stable as it gets with me, I guess. I found a place to live starting in august until next august. Right now I'm living at another awesome person's place while they are away. I'm doing a paid internship for a digital media production company (workin for the man 9 to 6) and enjoying my time on the weekends. I'm only moderately stressed about my slowly declining bank account, the 8 million bureaucratic things I have to do to live here, and thinking about forming concrete plans after I'm done (!) with my masters.

I also managed to get out to Vienna on a perfectly unnecessary splurge that was completely wonderful. Here's the obligatory selfie in front of the Mozart house.





Sooooo yep. That's what's going on with my life. I managed to make it back to Berlin! After not being sure about my ability to do it, after a fair number of "what the fuck am I going to do?" moments, after stomach churning stress and grades and three continents: I'm back

Last Indian Vlog

Agra

I've been sitting in my room for the past week and half, contemplating sickness, final exams being over and my inability to leave campus because I'm am, in fact, 70 years old. I've been telling myself "I really should travel." But, being the curmudgeonly malcontent that I am, I was always able to rationalize with "ummm...but I don't wanna" Still, my plan was to do SOMETHING in the last week and because the Taj Mahal is so close to Delhi, that was kind of it.

So when a couple of friends let me know that they happened to have an extra ticket going to Agra, I took it as a sign.

The trip there was a more or less pleasant journey on the train at 7 in the morning. Waking up early is kinda my thing here so it wasn't too much of a problem getting to the train station. 

Our first destination in Agra was the "Baby Taj", a smaller monument similar to (yet older than) the Taj Mahal. The day itself was short but sweet. We managed to see a fair amount of stuff in the six hours we were there. 

We bought our tickets to the Taj Mahal at the baby Taj to avoid waiting in line. Despite the assurance of many people that I could possibly get a 20 Rupee Indian ticket as opposed to  the 750 Foreigner ticket  (because I "look" Indian), I ended up getting what the called the "High value" ticket which meant separate and admittedly faster lines. 

The Taj mahal was beautiful and HUGE. I hadn't really thought that it would be so big. When standing here, you actually think it's a lot closer but the size plays tricks with your perception

I keep my selfie game strong. 

We also managed to get to the Agra fort, which was cool because it gave us a nice view of the Taj Mahal from afar. 

After a minor snag with our train being an hour late, we managed to get home around 10 or 11 (I can't remember because my brain was not functioning properly) I was so tired that I didn't even eat!  

bleh sick

It was inevitable.
After the compounded stress of finals and preparing for my transition back to Germany, my body finally gave up its valiant effort to keep me healthy. At the end of last week, I was feeling strange but not strange enough to stop me from going about my normal routine. Then this weekend BOOM. aaaaallll kindsa stomach issues that are probably not appropriate to post in a blog read by young and impressionable readers. I've been eating nothing but bread and bananas and drinking a lot of water but it still hasn't gone away. Despite this unpleasant cloud over my life, I've managed to secure an internship at a media production company in Berlin. This goes (somewhat) with the other internship that I did during the first semester so this could be considered career building. Not sure exactly how all that works but I guess we'll see.
Basically, all I've been doing the last few days is reading things that I want (!), playing video games, trying to get my German affairs in order and resting up while trying to get healthy. It's not so bad. 

May the fourth....be easy

Three down and one to go. I am in the home stretch of exams. This last semester has made me think about university and education and knowledge and morals and subjectivity and grades and self-worth more than any other semester in recent memory.

It's a lot of thoughts.

I took an exam yesterday. I thought I did okay but I've come to realize that it doesn't really matter what I think when it comes to grading. The whole scale is quite subjective. Especially when there are two (or three, technically) scales involved. The Indian teachers are grading a student raised in the American grading system whose grades will be translated into a German GPA. It's all very tiring. Oh well, there's not much I can do besides wait and see what happens.

In other news, I haven't been doing much besides studying, eating, yoga and working out. Oh, and looking for a job in Berlin. That is one thing that I'm (surprisingly) not worried about. I just have to be proactive and something will come up. One thing that I KNOW that I'm good at: hustlin and makin it work. In comparison to almost all other things where I'm not quite sure of my own competence, haha. I have less than three weeks and then back to Deutschland!

My fifth video post!

Testing 1 2 3

I have four exams starting tomorrow. I feel adequately prepared for the first two, completely inadequate for the third and indifferent about the fourth. The point has been reached, however, where I don't know what to do in order to further myself. So I guess I'll take the tests and see what happens. Luckily (or unluckily) the teachers have to hand in grades fairly quickly after the exam period. For the last test, the teacher has something like 5 days to read and grade all 60+ of our test booklets...hmm...

This has been my life for the last week or so

I feel conflicted at times. I wonder how my knowledge will be graded and compared to the standard; to others' knowledge. I'm sure that I know enough about the topics to satisfy myself. But I guess that's not why we play this institutional game. I have to satisfy some requirements in order to get that arbitrary number, in order to get a good GPA, in order to have as many options as possible after graduating. 

My honor guard on the way to the library

I've heard horror stories of how some students fill two booklets or more, meaning over forty pages of information. I'm not certain how this is physically possible but I think it does highlight an issue that I don't appreciate: quantity over quality. The emphasis on rote memorization here leaves much to be desired. One of the admittedly small number of things that I find not so ideal about this university. 

So, I have a test tomorrow, Wednesday, Saturday and then next Wednesday. After that, an oral exam of sorts on Thursday and then I'll be officially done with my third semester! Time has really flown. 

Grades...

     I have, up until this point in my life, cared very little about grades. Especially during this degree program, I've always been more focused on the experience of living abroad and learning languages. I didn't even check my grades from the first semester until a few weeks ago for the scholarship application. My motto has been "I know what I know and numbers aren't going to change that". This was largely reinforced by the fact that up until this semester I didn't think that doing a PhD was in my future. But now that I've considered that as an option and seen that some programs have a GPA cut-off (that I currently don't meet) I've begun to freak out a little.
     My grades in Argentina were okay. But definitely not high (low? weird German system) enough to balance out my inexplicably dismal grades from the first semester. I think that stems from the fact that I'm not really used to German academia, with its whole mentality of "Final exam? That's your grade" while working and living life. Funnily enough, I've pretty much always had a job while going to school. But, I guess in the US (the system with which I'm familiar) I could negotiate that a bit more easily.
     I've long since separated my self-worth and identity from academic achievement. That's one of the many benefits attending music school (and actually completing, despite myself) has brought me. I know that even though my grades might not be good enough I am good enough. Still, the fact that this might prevent me from doing what I want looms in the background. I guess all I can do is try and study and study and study. Final exams are coming up. I guess this will be my motivation.

vloglet

not much to say that I haven't already said in text form. But it's been a while so I thought I should!

39 days left

I'm incrementally getting slowly closer to maybe being close to kind of getting done. Like I've said a thousand times over, this semester has definitely been the most academically stimulating. I'm currently in the process or writing final papers for my classes. It's actually going quite well. I tried to get a lot done before going to Varanasi so luckily everything is falling into place.

Fun stuff has been going on. This wednesday, I was a speaker on a panel. The topic was "Opportunity or Problem to be a foreign national". The whole thing was a bit haphazard but ended up okay. No audience members were hurt or maimed in the process of me giving my impromptu speech that was basically "hey...I'm Gian...I do GSP...Berlin, Argentina, India...they're nice. Transnational capital, people having privilege blahblahblah"...anyways here are some pictures

The other speakers were a former Gspian who is now living in India, a Korean girl who they asked to do it a few minutes beforehand, the very articulate Dr. Rehka who I know from the German book club and Dr. Sahni who was really legit. All in all, I think it was a good experience. 

Other than that, I also got my (probably last) opportunity to go to a hostel cultural night. Unfortunately, there aren't any pictures of that but it was the same old spiel: nice food, belly ache probably from eating too much, people dancing and talking to random folks. It was nice to do something on the weekend. 

I've realized that I only have 39 days left. I'd better make the most of them! I'm 100% sure that I'm going to miss India when I leave. 

Varanasi

Last week, the Gspians were offered the awesome opportunity to go to Varanasi for four days to do some field research in an Ayurvedic hospital. I couldn't turn it down, despite being swamped with work. Here are some of the pictures that I took

The train we took was a sleeper car, due to the fact that from Delhi to Varanasi the ride lasts 13 hours. It was surprisingly comfortable.

Our hostel was quite nice as well. I did yoga on the terrace a couple of days.

Can't do without a bit of mosquito netting

 

The main purpose of the trip was to visit BHU (Benares Hindu University) which is the only ayurvedic hospital/university with different specializations within ayurveda. We got to see a lot of interesting things within the hospital, including the pharmacy and the botanical garden where ingredients are harvested. 

 

Our hostel was right near Assi ghat, which is a port on the river (I think) There were many places to see people bathing, watch funeral pyres being lit and witness general hustle and bustle on the shores of the Ganges river. 

 

It's hard to tell but those are dead folks being burned...

 

One of the coolest things I've ever done: an evening boat ride on the Ganges. The atmosphere was amazing and we got to witness some sort of festival put on by the Varanasi government. There were so many boats and people watching, you could actually walk to shore from where we were anchored. 

 

The market place in the old part of town was pretty much what one would expect from India: chaotic and amazing. We went out to various parts of the city and ate alllllll kinds of food. 

There were cows EVERYWHERE. In Delhi, you see the occasional cow roaming the streets. In Varanasi, the cows essentially had free reign wherever they pleased. It was a bit alarming sometimes. 

 

We also went to a silk factory/weaving place where they make saris. The cloth was beautiful and the way they showed us was very intense. Basically they kept throwing saris at us until the "showroom" area was covered in shiny material.

I'm so glad I went to Varanasi. Despite being completely behind with school, everything I did there was completely worth it. It's exactly for reasons like this that I decided to do the Global Studies Program. All in all, I had a great weekend. 

So much to do

Papers, tests, assignments...AHHHH!

It's getting to be that time of the semester again. Which actually isn't that bad because I think this will be my last one. Fourth semester will be all about writing my these (which has its own special kinds of anxiety) and IF I do a doctorate, there won't be any classes comprised of things not related to what I want to write about. I've been spending multiple hours a day working on Gender and IR, US Foreign policy, Statistics and Modernization and Development. Sadly, Arabic has fallen a bit by the wayside. I will get back on it, though.

I recently had to delve into the JNU Library for one of my bibliographies. I felt a bit Indiana Jones-ish

Lara Croft ain't got nothin on this

I've still been managing to go to Yoga and work out every day which is nice, considering that we'll be going to Varanasi this coming week and I won't have any sort of the kind of schedule I've gotten used to. 

Despite all of the craziness, I still managed to get in my weekly excursion off-campus:

Some things were different but it still had that crunchy-organic-granola flavor to it 

The opportunity to check out an organic market was just something that I couldn't pass up, given the fact that I did the same in Argentina. I didn't do any field research this time but,suffice it to say, it was interesting. I also managed to get a nifty new notebook. 

I want to try a bit more creative writing. Blogging and term papers are fun and all but I think I have other things to express. 

Holi Holi Holi

Just a short clip of the aftermath of my Holi shenanigans

So many pictures

So many things! This week, I got my first experience speaking at an academic panel (even if it was just reading the introductions...haha) The GSP program coordinator was roaming the halls about 5 minutes before it started, looking for one of us to introduce the speakers. Despite being not dressed up at all (note the T-shirt), I said I would do it if she couldn't find anyone else. And then this happened:

It was a talk about globalization and cities, specifically Mumbai and Delhi. Both the speaker and discussant had published numerous works on the topic and offered various viewpoints on the distinctions between the global north and global south. The talk, like many things at JNU, gave me a lot to think about especially in terms of my academic future. 

Another hostel night! Fooooooooooood....So good. Despite weird feelings from the person/people with whom I was spending my night, it was in general a very pleasant atmosphere. I managed to get home at 3am, which wasn't so ideal for the tour of Delhi planned for the following morning.

I still somehow woke up at 7, ate breakfast and coerced a friend into coming with me. On the schedule: Mughal Gardens, Purana Qila and Tughlaqabad. I took a lot more pictures than I normally would have. This makes sense, I guess, because we were out and about for 8 hours. The whole trip, organized by the International Student Association, gave us the opportunity to see things I wouldn't have had the motivation to undertake seeing myself. I'm glad I got to see these sites, especially Tughlaqabad. The view of Delhi was amazing!


Funnily enough, cameras were not allowed in Mughal gardens. After a while though, I started noticing that everyone was taking pictures with their phones. They didn't ask me to put my ipod in my bag so I just started snapping away. Apparently there are around 400 types of flowers within the gardens. 




 

Purana Qila was pretty cool too. It's the oldest structure in all of Delhi and was right by the zoo, which is where we ate lunch afterwards. 

 
 
 

At this point, we had been underway for about 5 hours and I was getting pretty tired. I'm so glad I decided to stick with it because Tughlaqabad was amazing. There were underground tunnels and the view of Delhi at the top was breathtaking.

 
 


Being on campus is great and all but I'm glad we were presented with this opportunity to leave the comfort zone of JNU and get a chance to see the city. It was good to enjoy the sunshine and see a little bit of what Delhi was to offer.