Wednesday, April 23, 2014


     I have, up until this point in my life, cared very little about grades. Especially during this degree program, I've always been more focused on the experience of living abroad and learning languages. I didn't even check my grades from the first semester until a few weeks ago for the scholarship application. My motto has been "I know what I know and numbers aren't going to change that". This was largely reinforced by the fact that up until this semester I didn't think that doing a PhD was in my future. But now that I've considered that as an option and seen that some programs have a GPA cut-off (that I currently don't meet) I've begun to freak out a little.
     My grades in Argentina were okay. But definitely not high (low? weird German system) enough to balance out my inexplicably dismal grades from the first semester. I think that stems from the fact that I'm not really used to German academia, with its whole mentality of "Final exam? That's your grade" while working and living life. Funnily enough, I've pretty much always had a job while going to school. But, I guess in the US (the system with which I'm familiar) I could negotiate that a bit more easily.
     I've long since separated my self-worth and identity from academic achievement. That's one of the many benefits attending music school (and actually completing, despite myself) has brought me. I know that even though my grades might not be good enough I am good enough. Still, the fact that this might prevent me from doing what I want looms in the background. I guess all I can do is try and study and study and study. Final exams are coming up. I guess this will be my motivation.

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